1. I am a failed child actor, having been represented by one of the top kids’ talent agencies in Hollywood.2. You know that thing Mel Gibson’s character does in Lethal Weapon 2 where he rolls a coin over the top of his knuckles? I can do that (it’s easiest with a British pound or a Hungarian hundred-forint coin).
3. Speaking of Hungarian, I speak Hungarian, and do it every day in my head.
4. I sometimes like to dress in women’s clothing, but only when the moon is full.
5. I have been listening to U2 for 2.5x longer of my life than I spent not listening to them. I sometimes wonder if I like a U2 song simply because it’s by U2. Contrariwise, sometimes I wonder, when listening to a song by another band, whether I would like it better if it were performed by U2. Is this what being “in love” means?
6. I was kicked out of Calvary Chapel because I began to affirm the doctrines of grace and deny the pre-trib rapture. Speaking of which, I really, really dislike Calvary, but I also really, really miss it.
7. I am almost completely incapable of hearing white noise. In a restaurant, if someone says something about the song being played over the speakers, I most likely will not have noticed that any music is playing at all.
8. I was arrested as a teenager for fleeing the scene of an accident.
9. I sometimes talk to my friend about whether or not, if one of us were tasked with killing the other without being caught, we could pull it off.
10. My wife often tells me that she’s convinced I may secretly kill her, and that she has hidden notes around the house telling the police that I was the one behind whatever “accident” took her life.
11. I really hope my wife doesn’t accidentally die, because I will be going to jail for a long time. Plus I'll miss her.
12. I can spin a book on my index finger, and keep it spinning without the help of my other hand, for pretty much as long as I want.
13. There are certain movies that I can no longer watch because I know every line by heart. Fletch comes to mind.
14. Speaking of Fletch, if you ever bring up the movie with me and say (as almost everyone does) that the funniest part is where Chevy Chase is dreaming about playing for the Lakers, and the announcer says, “[Fletch is] six-five, with the afro six-nine,” I will smile and nod my head, while inwardly thinking that you have no right to ever watch Fletch again.
15. One of the girls I dated when I was younger went on to become rather famous. Yes, you’ve heard of her.
16. One time I sleepwalked to the point of actually leaving the house. I know this because I woke up with all the newspapers from my neighbors’ driveways at the foot of my bed.
17. I have a weakness for teen dramas, and am ashamed to admit that I know who L.C., Marissa Cooper, Peyton Sawyer, and Serena Vander Woodsen are.
18. I have really awesome views on cultural matters, but I rarely live up to them. Still, they’re really awesome, you should totally listen to me talk about them some time.
19. For example, I am philosophically completely in favor of public education, but I have no plan to send my kids to public schools.
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20. I secretly feel bad for people who see the Republican candidate and the Democratic candidate as representing the spectrum of the American people’s views on issues. They agree on the “what” and only disagree on the “how” (and that’s what the debates are about).
21. I think it’s because I saw Wyatt Earp before I saw Tombstone, but I have always felt that the former was a much better film. In fact, I inwardly wonder whether people who don’t share this assessment are kind of shallow.
22. I’m not sure which years of a person’s life count as when you “grew up.” I went from age 6 to age 16 during the 1980s and from age 16 to age 26 during the 1990s, and I am more inclined to say that I grew up in the ‘90s than in the ‘80s.
23. I had elective surgery in my early twenties, but am too embarrassed to ever tell anyone what it was for.
24. I get a lot of grief from people because my favorite albums from the ‘90s don’t include bands like Nirvana or Pearl Jam, but they do include stuff by Oasis or The Verve. But I have concluded that this is because I was living in Europe for most of the ‘90s and was more shaped by that continent than this one. (Oh, and I miss living in Europe and think about it every day.)
25. I know “the numbers” from ABC’s Lost by heart. If you do as well, then you’ll be able to figure out which 5 of these random things are false.
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